We're into that late part of the offseason, where free agency has been over for a little while but the draft doesn't happen for another couple weeks. That means it's time for weird stories like an offensive lineman ranking the beards of various NFL players. On the Chicago Bears' official web site, that's exactly what Matt Slauson did.
Slauson picked himself for the NFL's 10th-best beard, which is just a travesty, a sham and a mockery. How a voting member could wind up on the list is beyond absurd, even if you do have to respect the beard itself.
For another option, Slauson might have considered Dallas Cowboys center Travis Frederick, whose nickname happens to be "Fredbeard."
Simple to use and you're helping a great cause! pic.twitter.com/5oIMOFfCcq
— Travis Frederick (@tfrederick72) October 7, 2014
Beards six through nine on Slauson's top-10 list belonged to Buccaneers guard Logan Mankins, Jets quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, Patriots offensive lineman Bryan Stork and Broncos guard Louis Vasquez. It sure was nice of Slauson to throw a quarterback in there for some positional variety among all those linemen.
Interestingly, Vasquez has a pretty finely manicured beard, while Stork, Mankins, and especially Fitzpatrick have let theirs grow wild over the years. That shows Slauson's beard taste, like most good defenses, is multiple.
The second through fifth slots were occupied by Chargers safety Eric Weddle (5), along with (obviously) three more offensive linemen in Falcons center Joe Hawley (4), Jets center Nick Mangold (3) and Eagles center Jason Kelce (2). I'm all for standing up for your brethren, but there has to be some position group other than offensive linemen that have good beards, right? Do any skill players have facial hair? Is there some qualification other than wildness? Vasquez got on the list with a trimmed-up beard. Why can't, say, Colin Kaepernick's finley-tuned beard (photo) get some love?
There will be no arguing with the No. 1 choice here, though. It's former Steelers defensive lineman Brett Keisel. There's really no other choice.
Any other nominations?
