Rick Pitino's extraordinary hubris has been put back on display, to great consternation and laughter from the audience, and sufficient commentary from Our Man Parrish. We need go no further into it, therefore, except to say this:
Was the Ted Kennedy reference that good an idea?
But we would like to focus instead on a lighter story, one which has already made the 24-hour stick-and-move cycle -- Jim Harbaugh's new bathroom.
|
|
| Nothing like a toilet within, uh, spitting distance to put a smile on your face. (US Presswire) |
Swell.
Some commentators thought it was a show of needless ostentation at a time when sports, scholarships and jobs were being cut, even though this was money that Arrillaga pulled out of his work pants that he probably wouldn't have donated under other circumstances. But that's a circular argument that goes nowhere.
• Doyel: College football extravagance gone wild
The more relevant matter here is this: At what point in his life did Jim Harbaugh actually think that the things he could accomplish in the time it took to walk down two flights of stairs or down a hallway were so vital? Was there really a new offense he had in mind that vanished from his thoughts as he walked out of his inner sanctum? Were there new approaches to recruits that he couldn't make because he had to share a bidet with (eeuuwww) others?
Was the bathroom that wasn't there keeping Stanford from its rightful place in the BCS?
No, no, and no. He wanted the bathroom because he wanted the bathroom. He wanted it because, and we're putting words in his mouth here, "because it was a pain in the ass to have to get up, walk out and then walk back. It wasn't drag, it was annoyance. It wasn't need, it was want."
OK then. Fine. If he had said that, we would have been more impressed. The truth, in addition to all its other benefits, saves more time than anything. It always does.
Rick Pitino could have saved lots of time by getting to the facts of his dalliance with Karen Sypher the first or second time he was asked. Tom Cable of the Raiders could have saved literally weeks by saying what needed to be said about what did or didn't happen with assistant Randy Hanson instead of days of "It's an internal matter" followed by days of "The truth will come out."
And on and on and on. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. Favre's Third Principle of Physics, word for word.
We just chose Harbaugh here because (a) there's no thorny legal issue involved; (b) Stanford football doesn't move the needle the way Louisville basketball does; and (c) needing a bathroom brought to you for reasons of efficiency is just funny.
Hey, if you had someone who could make plumbing appear on request, you'd say, "Sure." If you were a more principled type, you might ask, "Will others suffer for my lavatorial desires? Will any animals be harmed in the caulking? Am I disrespecting the earth less with copper or iron pipe?" But if you could have a new bathroom on someone else's dime, you would do it.
And Harbaugh, who has a win over Southern California and eight other victories in two years, probably figured he had better strike while he could. We would just like it better if he didn't try to justify it as some spectacular time-saving device, but just said what we know is the truth. That it was a pain in the ass.
• SB Nation: That's one expensive toilet
Now while we're at it, it seems clear that a facilities gap now exists at Stanford, and that with all those Sears Directors Cups and national championships the school likes to boast about each year that fairness demands Arrillaga make bathrooms for lots more coaches than the one who is 9-15. Baseball coach Mark Marquess and women's basketball coach Tara Van Derveer and tennis coach Dick Gould and lots of other folks have put in lots more time and brought more hardware back to the school, so presumably their time has import as well. Sounds to me like the fair thing here is bubble baths based on seniority and/or merit.
Maybe there should be a sliding scale for championships won, or even profits amassed. Maybe Harbaugh shouldn't have been the first to get his new reading/tweeting room based on Stanford's dismal football crowds, his record and his minimal time served. I mean, one win over 'SC should barely be worth a water fountain, or at best a sink, but he was the first one with the hubris to ask, so points for him, I guess.
But just don't tell us you were trying to cut down on drag, like your time is so incredibly vital to the nation. You're a football coach, Jimmy, and the time you save is neither long enough nor productive enough to say anything other than, "It was just a pain in the ass to do all that walking."
That's the time saver right there, and a valuable lesson for Rick Pitino and all other coaches out there. The truth, boys and girls, is a lot better at setting you free, and way better at saving you all that valuable time you say you hate to see us waste.
Almost as good, as it turns out, as getting your own private can.
Ray Ratto is a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.
